ventilation

ok so maybe Im just whining, but Im so tired of people!!

here's what I am exhausted from... trying to please people........... I KNOW that you cannot please everyone, but at the same time, you dont want to dissapoint people, you dont want to make people upset right? It just seems like everyone wants something from you.... everyone EXPECTS something out of you, and to be quited honest Im just FED UP!!!

I know in my job, there is some STUPID God AWFUL steriotype that I am supposed to stop and drop everything for EVERYONE!!! Its hard enough to get my job done day by day with normal regularly scheduled tasks, but then theres all these other folks that MUST have the nerve to think that I sit around on my butt all day and look pretty!!! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! Seriously.... what do I have to do to make them understand that the world DOES not stop for them????!!!! That I have bad days too, I have a personal life ( which I cant seem to please those people either) and I still only work 8 hours a day... (and that's actually not supposed to be 8, I was hired and am paid for 7!!!!!!!!)
How can I tell people that you will be added to the EXHAUSTED list of things that I have to do... and who made my "office" and my desk into a FREAKING trash pile????????? Just because the church has decided to hand out 350 devotionals to the families and have a garage sale tomorrow does NOT mean that my office becomes the FREAKIN COLLECTION POINT.... hello??? EVER HEARD OF A BOX???

I do like my job for the most part and for whatever reason, God has called me here... Im just frustrated and its been building for about 5 months, ever since my BOSS, decided he was leaving.

Just needed to vent.

what to say??

Soooooo
OBVIOUSLY its been a while!!

I dont really know where to start!
Life has been very busy with work, friends, minstry, work!!
Im finally in the area of ministry that I know the Lord has called me to, but then theres always drama, which I know is to be expected in most church settings, but it would be really nice if it would let up! *Lord, are you listening? I do really like my job, but it has certainly been a challenge and a time of stretching!!

that's all Ive got for now...Ill try to get back sometime!!
Blessings,
Emily

From Pain to Purpose

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

"A basic leadership principle says, "Go with your strengths" - take what you already do well and put even more energy into developing it. Yet God specializes in using our weaknesses to further his purposes. The apostle Paul had some sort of "thorn in the flesh," likely a physical weakness that God used to teach Paul to depend on him."-1 Minute Bible for Business Professionals
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The above verse was actually prayed over me yesterday at our staff meeting. I almost burst into tears as Kraig prayed "Lord let Emily glory in her weakness, because it is there that YOU are made strong."

To think that I am missing out on an opportunity to make God's name greater in the midst of my weakness. I know I cant really stop Him being glorified, but I sure can miss the mark and the purpose of what is going on with my health. It IS an opportunity- and a great one to GLORY in HIS name! *and yes for the record, this is very very hard for me to think about doing.

With the Lord being made stong in our weakness, is He not strengthening

US in the midst of it all?

Just something to think about! Where is the LORD being made strong in Your life today?

Moved

“I ran out of gas and my grandchildren are out in the car, Is there any way that you could help me?”….. (Followed by streams of tears on a sweet wrinkled face.)

My heart was so deeply moved at that moment. Had I not been in a cast I would have hurdled my desk to engulf this woman with a sympathetic hug. She said “since my husband died it’s just been so hard and I keep praying to God but I just feel like He isn’t listening.” I replied, “give me 5 min and I will PROVE to you that GOD IS listening.” I spoke with her for a few min and then made a call to the gentleman who handles the benevolence cases for the church… he was on his way! In the meantime I sent her out to her car so that the rest of her family ( a little boy, a little girl, and her daughter* their mom) to come inside out of the heat. I went to grab Kraig * a co-worker to have him come and pray over their family.

In the adjacent room, Toby, the copy machine guy, overheard and saw the lady in tears as she spilled her request to me. When she went to her car he came into my office and asked what was up. I told him about the situation and he simply said “that’s so sad”, A few min, later Toby was finished with the repairs he asked if there was a bank nearby and he said he would be back in a few min. When he returned he slipped me a $20 and said to give it to the family!The family walked away with money for gas and a voucher for food. The following morning the lady called me to see what time 2 of our ministries that offer assistance would be open and I heard the tears in her gentle voice when she said to me “ the kids were so happy last night, they had food to eat and then they went right to bed and slept so good because their bellies were full.”
They stopped by to visit the clothes closet later and the food pantry here at the church. I know that they left with SACKS full of clothes for each of them and you could tell that they were very excited about what they had found and the 2 G-normous boxes of food that they carried out to the car!

As they left, I was given a thank you note that I did not dare to read until I got home for fear of the tears that would saturate my face. It was simply beautiful to hear the words of thankfulness and gratitude to “know that there are still good people left in the world”

My reply to all of this is: 1. God is Good!
2. I LOVE MY JOB!

miss independent

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown

yeah that's me Miss independent..... well at least it USED to be!
I feel like all I do is ask for help now and then when I dont, I get bossed around!
What's a girl to do?? I just cant win! Its really hard for me to be so dependent. Ive been independent since I was 3! That's what mom has always said... that's also why I got the "leash" ( a contraption that went around my wrist connecting me to mom) whenever we went to wal mart or to the mall. I wasnt afraid of doing my OWN shopping!! Now I feel so helpless since I cant really do anything, cant go shopping really.... or carry a diet dr pepper into work that is not in a can tucked into my bag.

Ok so maybe I am making a bigger deal out of this than I should be, but sometimes it just bugs me..... Ill get over it though... one of these days!

Dont worry I am already pulling spiritual lessons out of this situation and how independent that I have a tendency to be..... yadda yadda yadda!

internal settings

Do you ever feel like you are running in default mode?
You get up.... go to work....... go home........... watch tv........... go to bed?
ok that's all I really had to say about that!! LOL

I just wanted to post and say that I am feeling better about the situations at hand.... Im just trying to focus less on them, after all, I cant really do anything about them anyways. Well not all of them at least!

God totally got a hold of me last night in the middle of a song and said HELLO, you arent being desperate for me!! yeah kinda hate that when He has to shake my shoulders like that! But I did respond, I SHUT UP!!

Im looking forward to tomorrow. just getting away for a little bit... ROAD TRIP!! WOO HOO!! then I get to come work on my office at the church... its such a gigantic mess! Im really excited to get it all organized and cleaned up!!

Have a great weekend anda remember to not always live life in default mode!! :)

junk

So since it has been a while and a lot of life has happened in that time, Im updating. I have to be honest, Im a little worried about my current state….. I don’t really want to be around people all that much and I don’t really want to talk to people. You could argue that I suppose with the fact that I have been talking to Jeremy and stuff, but that seems to be different, I suppose because when he and I have been talking I can focus on what’s going on with him and talk about ministry… therefore getting the focus off the state at which I am in currently. I don’t want to sound so down or be all sad and crap, but if I am going to be genuine and honest here, then I suppose that IS the way that I feel. I try to focus on the good and the positive but its been extremely difficult. I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of the robbery and thoughts about that have been really hard to deal with, That was just a start to the HELL that I have been through over the past year. Yes there have been good times, even some great ones…. But hey, you know what it feels like to be down don’t you? Those good times seem so very small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the pain.

I swear that Im really trying to think upward but its just not happening. Im scared by the things that I feel, I don’t want to feel this way at all, but I don’t know what to do to make it stop.

Please pray for this spirit of discouragement to be lifted from me and for divine HEALING for my foot.